And so it begins...

A new chapter of my life.  I want to thank the woman who suggested that I start a new blog as my original blog started in Italy and was about my month there.

 I also want to thank the 2 others who emailed about their experience reading my blog.  I was touched by your words, thank you.

It's after 1am and I have a job interview at 9am. I need to leave the house by 8.  I am teaching my mythology course from 12-2. I have a med appt at 3.  It will be a long day.

I should be in bed.  I'm not.

I have wanted to start a women's group for several months now.  It started tonight.  A woman I know a little was interested as well, so we met tonight with 2 of her friends.  We are all middle aged and mothers.  We are all looking for a place to be real and to feel comfortable.  We chatted and ate some homemade quash soup, and sat by the wood stove.

We'll meet on Tuesday evenings for the next 2 months.  It's happening.  One of the ladies called it a circle of women, so that is the name.  It's not about being angry or being a victim, this group about having a place to be ourselves, outside the many roles we play.

I hope it ends up being a place where we all find parts of ourselves we have forgotten about, a way to our genuine selves, a place to remember and also a place to make new plans.

I went for xrays tonight for my knee. It seems I can't get the MRI until I do.  Insurance companies!! Grrr..
I won't know what is wrong until I get the MRI.  No running for a while...THAT hurts, there goes my joy.

Even my doctor today shook her head at me in some form of pity and said, "I don't know what to say Patty."    I said "Hey, it's my life" and I felt shame because it was obvious how much crap I have been dealing with the past 2 years.

My 17 yr old son cried tonight.  He broke down crying after I insisted he tell me why he was in such a bad mood.  He sat next to me, I hugged him, and he said "I feel bad you're in pain and there's nothing I can do about it."  I reassured him that he does help by taking care of himself and following his dreams to hike the AT.  He's a beautiful child, inside and out.  He tends to hide his emotions so this was a courageous step for him, to be seen.

I don't know how I will deal with my knee, the pain, the illness, my boys growing up...but tonight I see how fortunate I am, all I have.  I go to bed with a grateful heart and will face tomorrow, tomorrow.

Sweet dreams to all.