pondering

I've been pondering for hours it seems.

What is it that is causing this introspection today?

I woke up feeling fine.  Another beautiful day, so I decided to run even though I usually run every other day or every 2 days.  It was a great run.

I came home and cleaned and organized for 4 hours.  I had some windows open and it felt like spring.
Living in VT that means it will snow soon and the temps will drop into the teens.  Funny and true!

I don't say this many people...shit, I don't say it at all.  I am in pain.  My shoulder joints really hurt.
I am trying to imagine myself working full time.  I am scared.

Then I say to myself "Hey! For today you are okay.  There is nothing to panic about, bills are paid, I can walk, my children are healthy, my car works, cats are fine, there is nothing wrong."

I don't know, I feel in limbo.  My oldest son leaves for the AT in 17 days.  I am helping him get his to-do list done.  He came over to say good-night and give me my check kiss when he said, "Thanks for being my mom".  I was caught off guard.  It was nice to hear, really nice.

I am a good mother.  I really am and it's easy to forget with all the distractions of life.

So I am on my comfy leather love seat and thinking "I am like dark energy, I pull everything together but I can't be seen"  (Did I tell you I love physics too?)

My son saw me today.  Maybe it was just a glimpse, but it was nice to be noticed.

Tomorrow is a new moon and a good time to set an intention for the month.  I have been imagining that everyone and everything feel love and be loved, that there be peace.  I don't know if it makes any difference but I am going to continue doing it just the same.

I am only one person true, but I am not nobody.   I'd rather have big wishes for all then a small wish for only myself.   I think one person does make a difference, even if that one person is just me.

Peace.