Snow and then spring?

I heard about the snow a few days ago.  It put a cramp in my week.  I cancelled 2 appointments for today.  This meant driving 45 minutes on Monday to do errands with my youngest son.

We didn't get as much snow as they said.  This makes me crazy.  What is it lately with weather info... they seem to all be on far too much caffeine, that or else they get a commission on batteries and bottled water.

There was a time not so long ago when weather reports were not full of so much FEAR. It's as though the weather casters are all flunkies of drama school.  When did meteorology and bad reality TV combine?

Give me a break, just tell me the facts, 'just the facts, mam'.

So for the 74th time, we got a few inches after we were WARNED we'd get 20 inches.

I was in a funk all morning because I was home rather than doing attending to those 2 appointments today.

I went for a ride to the post office and to return books at the library.

I ended up going to a cafe for an hour.  I drank some tea and wrote a bit.  I have been listening to Bob Thurman lectures on buddhism (I've studied philosophy for over 20 years) and I am feeling unsettled about a few things.

So deep into thought I sat near the big window in the cafe'.   It comes back to this "Who am I?"  and "What am I doing?"

Of late, the new info for me is how stuck I am on the concept of ME.  This focus on myself causes more stress.   If i am surrounded by peace/heaven/nirvana but can't perceive it, what can I do?

And wanting my life to mean more than just taking care of myself.  I pray that I can find a career/job /whatever  to help others with my talent/intelligence/compassion.

I feel very confused.  There is a gist of understanding with all this subtle esoteric education and there is also this struggle to fully comprehend it.

If consciousness was never born and never dies...if everything has some form of consciousness...then my view of myself and the world is way off course.

Can what I think, what I have been told, how I have lived my whole life....be wrong?

Is my perception of reality based on faulty information?  Are there things I believe that are untrue?

It seems so.

There is a sense of freedom lurking around in all this AND lots of thing banging up against each other trying to straighten this out.

Hmm...